Just as there is good stress (planning a wedding, adjusting to a promotion, buying your dream house), there is good change: A layoff turns into an opportunity to own a business. A divorce opens the door for a long-lost sweetheart. An empty nest provides a self-pampering break from nonstop caring for others.

Unfortunately, because change ushers in the unknown, most of us fear suddenly imposed situations. Yet embracing and managing what we cannot control can build character, fortify our resolve, and make us stronger. Take my quick quiz below--I call it the "Test of Your Emergency-Response System"--to see how well you embrace change.

Choose the answer that best describes your gut reaction to change.

1. You're told that a life-changing event is about to occur. You:
a) Accept it graciously, even though you are secretly worried.
b) Get angry and berate the bearer of the news.
c) Ignore it until you're forced to deal with it.

2. After the shock of the change, you:
a) Make a plan of action.
b) Complain about it incessantly to anyone who will listen.
c) Turn off your cell phone and take to your bed.

3. If the change will affect your financial future, you:
a) Call a financial adviser or turn on Suze Orman.
b) Call your lawyer to sue the people who imposed the change on you.
c) Continue your spending lifestyle so that no one will know.

4. To you, change signifies:
a) Opportunity.
b) Adversity.
c) Nothing in particular.

5. When change occurs, your spiritual sense says:
a) I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.
b) An eye for an eye.
c) Let go, let God.

Click below to find out how you scored.

Scoring: You may have wanted to answer "all of the above" for each question. That would be understandable, because we all experience waves of varying emotions in times of uncertainty. However, if you answered mostly C's, you are slow to accept change and may live in a state of denial longer than most people do. Mostly B's means you use anger to make yourself feel empowered when dealing with change. If your answers were mainly A's, you embrace change with a positive attitude.

No matter what your answers, you can be an agent for positive change by deciding to manage what comes your way. Over the years, I have read several helpful books on the subject. Here are three:

•Who Moved My Cheese? An Amazing Way to Deal With Change in Your Work and in Your Life by Spencer Johnson, M.D. (Putnam; $19.95)
Still a strong seller on bn.com and amazon.com eight years after first being published, this humorous story encourages readers to adapt to new situations.

•The Gift of Change: Spiritual Guidance for Living Your Best Life by Marianne Williamson (HarperSanFrancisco; $13.95)
One of my favorite inspirational authors, Williamson (who recently signed up for a show on Oprah's new XM Satellite Radio channel) writes that rather than being something to avoid, change gives us a gift of transformation and growth if we use spiritual principles.

•Inventing the Rest of Our Lives: Women in Second Adulthood by Suzanne Braun Levine (Plume; $15)
As a friend of mine said recently, "After success comes significance." Levine shows us how to map out a meaningful second chapter of our lives.

Change has been all around me. The magazine business that brought me to the Big Apple almost 20 years ago has recently been experiencing major restructuring. Perhaps it's time for me to return home to Seattle, to be nearer to my mother. Or maybe this is my opportunity to make my dream move to the Caribbean to open a retreat for writers and readers. I don't know at this moment, but my empty-nest house is up for sale, and I'm ready to take the plunge to write my fourth book in either my cherished rainy hometown or my sunny isle of Anguilla.

I'm also embracing the new direction that NiaOnline will be taking. As such, this will be my last monthly "On Purpose" column. I thank Cheryl Mayberry McKissack, the dynamic founder of NiaOnline; Sheryl Huggins, the talented editor-in-chief who succeeded me; and Teresa L. Ridley, who has skillfully top-edited this column, for the opportunity and the memories.

And thanks to you, dear NiaOnline sisters, for clicking on this space and giving me your feedback over the last six years. I invite you to visit me online at StephanieStokesOliver.com and to look out for my upcoming essays on the Life and Books channels of Salon.com.

Sisterly,
Stephanie

Post your comments to Stephanie about the power of change, or your thoughts on her "On Purpose" column, in the section below.

Stephanie Stokes Oliver is the author of Song for My Father: Memoir of an All-American Family (Atria Books; $14)

Published on: 10/13/2006







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