Dear Nia Member,

After 11 years I have decided to pursue another entrepreneurial endeavor and would like to inform you that as of Nov. 1, 2011 we will not longer be publishing the blog or newsletter in its current format. We are excited to introduce you to something new in 2012, so watch for our return and join us again.

I would like to thank everyone who has supported NiaOnline , including a terrific staff of writers who gave their very best to make you think about the issues that impact our lives, our families and our communities. Everyone on our staff gave tremendous effort over the years and our greatest compliment was your feedback and response. We will continue to be a voice for African American Women and their families through our research consumer advisory panel (Nia Pulse) and our marketing consultancy through Nia Enterprises, LLC.

Please look for our new entrepreneurial venture in 2012 and in the interim if you would like to continue to follow the smart and wickedly brilliant Jill Nelson, you can find her at www.jillnelson.com , and you can keep discovering your purpose, personal power and peace with Dr. Valencia Ray at www.valenciaray.com/theultimatepowercoupleblog

Thank you again for all your support!

Sisterly,
Cheryl Mayberry-McKissack

Photo courtesy Lifetime Entertainment

BET’s annual celebration of black women in a variety of fields, “Black Girls Rock!” is about to rock fans again.

This year’s edition, set to air Nov. 6 at 8 p.m. EST, is a star studded affair hosted by actresses Tracee Ellis Ross and Regina King.

The list of honorees is an impressive one: actresses Taraji P. Henson and Tatyana Ali; iconic activist Angela Davis; gospel music queen Shirley Caesar; activists Imani Walker and Malika Saada Saar of the Rebecca Project for Human Rights; Leanna Archer, Mari Malek and Dyci Manns of M.A.D: Girls who are Making A Difference; and philanthropist and businesswoman Laurel Richie who is president of the WNBA.

There’s also an impressive lineup of performers who appeared during the awards ceremony when it was taped Oct. 15. Performers include Erykah Badu, Mary Mary, Mary J. Blige, Estelle and Jill Scott.

What is more impossible than staying? Leaving.

In spirit of the adage, ‘today is the first of the rest of your life,’ endings are simply new beginnings. It is with love, honor and the utmost respect for a woman who is fearless and phenomenal in all facets, that I sincerely acknowledge and embrace Cheryl Mayberry McKissack.  She is a powerhouse girl with an unwavering commitment to creating a conduit to give voice and visibility to African American women and their families.

On a personal note, she is a leader, a teacher, a mentor, and an anchor of strength with a motherly mantra. With such appreciation and thanksgiving, it has been a pleasure working with Cheryl and being a part of the NiaOnline family.  We look forward to the next venture, as she pioneers a new path of ingenuity and innovation.

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Beyond the hustle and bustle of life there is a quiet, subtle vibration that pushes, pulls and bends one spirit toward a higher ground. The rhythmic pattern of life is often loud and noisy and frequently beckons room for silence–an elevation into thy self and into a sacred God space. It is when we are nestled into stillness that we can actually move.

There are endless quotes, scriptures and words that rivet my being, but there is nothing like the voice of the soul that lives within. I’ve always loved the power of the written word. From a very young age, I was an avid reader. Beyond being engaged or immersed in a particular genre or a novel itself,  I was in awe of an author’s ability to convey thought, romance language and transcends one’s mind and emotions to another time and space by lacing together a mere twenty-four letters into a masterful story. As I saturated myself in age appropriate works, I found myself toggling from reader to writer with the astute wherewithal to write from my mind’s eye. What do you see, smell, feel, hear, touch  as you live?

I recognized that it is a gift to hear your own voice, and take what’s heard, and wrap it into words that enlighten, question, support and dismantle is a privilege, a craft and a gift.  Wisdom is a principle thing. Keep writing, reading, seeking, doing, being, rocking, ruling and reigning. In piercing silence your spirit will speak. Be groundbreaking!

It has been a pure pleasure.

Lisa Hopkins Newell

Speaking of change and transformation, today is my last post here on NiaOnline.  As you may know, Cheryl Mayberry-McKissack has decided to go onward to her next “reinvention”.  I wish her the best and surely expect the best!  Life evolves and we are a part of life.  It’s been a pleasure, and I want to leave with you some thoughts about transforming your business and evolving to your next “stage” in life.

Transformation feels scary. Why? It is mostly because we’ve been conditioned unwittingly to think of change as “life threatening”. Granted, we have an instinct for survival wired into our brain yet we have a greater authority – conscious choice – that can temper the violence of this fear response to change. If we do not realize that we can “rewire” our brain and change this perception, we will continue to act robotically. This would not be so unhealthy if we were had not been programmed with so much fear and limitation in our thinking. Who wired us, where does this come from?

Answer: Genetics, environment, karma (some people do believe in reincarnation, life does cycle after all), personal perception based on choice – conscious or otherwise – and often done before age 7!

Real transformation begins with a collaboration between our own mind and heart – thought and feeling.  Speaking from even personal experience I can say that because my perception decided as a teen-ager that feelings were bad and “terrifying”, I decided to repress them with my will. This is NOT a good idea. Doing this will “retrain your brain” to see feelings as the “enemy” and kick in your “survival” stress response so fast you will be hijacked before you can blink.

One reason why we associate “bad” feelings with transformation that expands us is because we were also unwittingly taught that it is a good thing to “humble” yourself by thinking small. Don’t want to “get too big for your britches”. Well, if our pants were to small we’d buy a bigger size – or change something. Why do we keep our minds stuffed into a little box?

Or, perhaps some ignorant adult trying to motivate us told us that we would “amount to nothing”. This set some of us on a track of becoming never satiated hungry overachievers – always “doing” to avoid feelings of “not good enough”. Not a good idea let me tell you. The message here is to realize that transformation does not have to be so “scary”. You will first have to learn how to gain insights into how you are co-creating your experiences by learning via your logical brain. How and why this “logic” fears feelings so much. The logical side will block your insights if you fear even listening to new ideas.

Most people feel “safe” by believing the “same old, same old” because we’ve trained our brains to behave this way. I’ve experienced this shift that I’m writing about here. It’s the shift to begin to free your mind from the tyranny of old, outdated information that keeps you stuck and afraid to change. It’s the tyranny of only focusing on worry and “surviving” that is blocking our ability to thrive. One of the big keys is physiologically and logically learning how to “make friends” with your feelings.

Until you do this, your joy and passion for life will remain buried under all that fear. And FEAR – Fictitious Evidence Affecting Reality – will stop you in your tracks when you attempt to reinvent yourself and/or innovate your business. Feelings are the door to expanding your spirit, your creativity…your mind. It’s time to talk about the elephant in the room.  How do you feel about this?

Valencia Ray, M.D.
Be YOU, Magnificently!

Riding Off Into the Sunrise! Thanks for the Light, Sisters!

It’s been a pleasure, honor, challenge and education writing for NiaOnline.com these past years. The task of writing about issues of importance to Black women first and a larger community second, of situating sisters in the center of the important issues of these times, has been exhilarating, frustrating, hilarious, political, personal, satisfying, and just about everything in between. What it has never been is boring, thanks to the amazing times we live in and to you readers who read and responded. You kept me on my toes, questioned my opinions, challenged my analysis, affirmed my perspective, and did so with intelligence, good humor, and in the supportive tradition of sisters everywhere. You are truly appreciated!

I began this column committed to placing Black women at the center. To pushing back against the culture’s efforts to erase us, disappear us, relegate us to being what Zora Neale Hurston wrote in her magnificent novel, Their Eyes Were Watching God, “de mules uh de world, so far as Ah can see.” But like Janie Starks, Hurston’s heroine, we, Black women, see farther, even when we simply look in the mirror. I have tried to give voice to a collective, transformative vision of Black women and what we have, do, and can mean in the world in my columns. To deny the bodysnatchers in all their incarnations – politicians, comedians in drag, popular culture, sisters seduced by self-hatred, a crumbling economy – the right to use us for their own nefarious ends. I have struggled in my writing to place us in the center, to re-define us for us, to no longer allow black women to always be on our way someplace more important than where we are.

I have not always succeeded, but then, nothing beats a failure but a try, and mistakes are often the best teachers. Thanks to NiaOnline.com and all you readers for the opportunity. The struggle continues, and there is still time for sisters to come together, take leadership, and change the world. Without no doubt.
(See you on my website, and please feel free to stay in touch at talktojill@jillnelson.com)

Jill Nelson 10/25/11 – The blog with the musical notes!

Dear Nia Member,

After 11 years I have decided to pursue another entrepreneurial endeavor and would like to inform you that as of Nov. 1, 2011 we will no longer be publishing the blog or newsletter in its current format. We are excited to introduce you to something new in 2012, so watch for our return and join us again.

I would like to thank everyone who has supported NiaOnline, including a terrific staff of writers who gave their very best to make you think about the issues that impact our lives, our families and our communities. Everyone on our staff gave tremendous effort over the years and our greatest compliment was your feedback and response. We will continue to be a voice for African American Women and their families through our research consumer advisory panel (Nia Pulse) and our marketing consultancy through Nia Enterprises, LLC.

Please look for our new entrepreneurial venture in 2012 and in the interim if you would like to continue to follow the smart and wickedly brilliant Jill Nelson, you can find her at www.jillnelson.com , and you can keep discovering your purpose, personal power and peace with Dr. Valencia Ray at www.valenciaray.com/theultimatepowercoupleblog

Thank you again for all your support!

Sisterly,
Cheryl Mayberry-McKissack

Singer Etta James, whose signature song “At Last” has been the romantic mood music for countless couples and was even selected by President and Mrs. Obama for their first dance during the inaugural celebrations, has announced that she is retiring.

James, 73, said that after her newest album, “The Dreamer,” is released on Oct. 25, she will step away from the microphone.

The announcement comes as James has endured months of health issues including treatment for leukemia and grappling with a sepsis problem stemming from a urinary tract infection. She was also diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2009.

James, born Jamesetta Hawkins, formed her first group – a doo wop group first called the Creolettes and later the Peaches – at age 14. The group scored a hit in 1955 with “The Wallflower (Dance with Me, Henry)” which reached #2 on the rhythm and blues charts.

In 1960, James signed with Argo Records, a subsidiary of Chess Records, and released her two biggest albums – “At Last!” and “The Second Time Around.” But in the mid-’60s James became addicted to heroin and, although she scored some big hits such as “Tell Mama” in 1967 and , her career suffered.

She kicked her habit in 1974 and continued to produce a series of critically acclaimed but relatively poor selling albums throughout the years. Her career stalled during much of the ’80s, but in the late ’80s James had a surprising comeback vehicle: a collaboration in 1989 with rap artist Def Jef for the hip hop dance classic “Droppin Rhymes on Drums.”

James was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, in 1993 then surprised everyone when a 1993 tribute album to one of her idols, Billie Holiday, won a 1994 Grammy Award for Best Jazz Vocal Performance.

Most recently, James made headlines when she complained about Beyonce singing James’ signature song “At Last” for the Obamas inaugural ball.

In a statement, James said, “I wish to thank all my fans who have shown me love and support over all these years. I love you all.”

Are you a ‘more’ or ‘less’ person? This tends to be such an agonizing question with suspended duality depending on the subject matter, but when we embrace it as an overarching lifestyle– how much is too much and how much isn’t enough. We all have an inner compass, gauge, and threshold that seemingly teeter as we age, grow and become wiser.  This intuitive life barometer often alerts us when our overflow has become overbearing and when our simplicity has become scarcity.  Since balance has become the new addiction, how do we maintain it?

What I’ve come to know is abundance can be readily found in simplicity.  Every year during the fall season, I encounter a period of rebirth – shedding of the old and beckoning the new. In alignment with nature, I tend to purge so that I can thrive. I find myself nesting. Clearing and preparing my mental, physical and spiritual space for anew.  This detoxifying phase is often very bitter sweet. There is agony in making room – converting less into more.

Detachment. Realigning relationships, tossing out ‘stuff’ that stagnate or items that are no longer relished as historical data in my daily life is a process. It takes hours to let go, why? My children giggle as I look at their baby clothing, beautiful little dresses that I’ve saved and remember when. The small keep sake of a memory, a treasured moment, and a priceless joy. Of course, that little chest of dresses never makes it to the ‘bye’ pile – never will.  But other things are whipped into the ‘goodbye’ pile with a sense of readiness that wasn’t ever present last year.  More or less, what will it be? Maybe more IN less!

After the purge is always the “newness.” Whether it’s a splash of new paint color in my office, or a new cashmere cardigan, a new set of plates, a new journal, a new goal, — seemingly a new daily ritual evolves. Why, because there is ‘more’ room to be …anything. A new kind of happy ‘birth’ day …more or less!

Lisa Hopkins Newell

Before you do another thing, are you clear about where you are going and why? We’ve become a society of frantic doers, not taking the time to reflect and get clear before taking massive action. And even when we do create a strategy, it is often in the old way of thinking and so our plans have trouble taking root…the road map has changed and we get so busy “doing” we missed the signs along the way.

We can be so inflexible and stuck that we lose our sense of humor and dig in all the harder, burning our selves out. Did the title of this blog cause you to criticize the improper grammar? Can you take a joke? Or are you so rigid that if anything is out of the predictable you get irritated?

Here’s the dilemma we are all in – the old way is evolving into the new, unknown, and to the logical mind, it’s scary. Yet, we are no longer able to ignore our fears, slap on the mask and bury it as “business as usual”. No, we now have to pull up the courage to face our fears do some internal work and actually grow in our awareness.

Welcome to a Brave New World. Ready to play a new game?

Not only has the road map changed, but the old industries are falling down and we have to call on our imagination, creativity and muster up courage and put to use all of the skills that we’ve acquired to date in our career and entrepreneurial journey. In other words, we actually are being forced to innovate – a novel idea!

In order to take aim, we need to not only figure out where we are going and why we want to go, but we will also need to examine if we believe we are the person who can be, do and have what we desire. We need to examine the stories in our mind that are distracting our focus – stories that distort our self-esteem and self-image.

Actually, one reason we have so much trouble adapting and innovating is that
we don’t “see” ourselves being able to change or doing other than what we do the way we’ve always done it.

We also don’t make time to reflect and let our imagination expand. Herein lies the core trouble with actually implementing our vision. We don’t believe in our self and we can no longer get away with not dealing with the whole of the system. We can run but we can’t hide. We take us with us wherever we go. If we want our vision in all it’s glory, we are going to have to do what we need to do to change ourselves to align with where we want to go.

This is a matter of perception and understanding how our amazing brain can keep us stuck – how we lose our true personal power. The problem is not with the brain; it’s with the way we have been taught, unwittingly, to wire it! We cannot go successfully into the 21st century carrying the mental and emotional baggage of the past. We need to take aim at the blind spots in our awareness and then we will see more clearly how to take the inspired action that will manifest our visions and goals. So, again, do you “got aim”? What are you doing to get clear?

Valencia Ray, M.D.
Be YOU, Magnificently

They're all wonder years Image courtesy of the author

These extremes manifest culturally as well. Social media assists revolution in the Arab world while simultaneously enabling the most superficial and insignificant of public friendships. Popular cultural success is defined by gimmickry, boringly overt sexuality, and the cult of mediocrity, while the brilliant impressario and musician Wynton Marsalis builds Jazz at Lincoln Center, a temple dedicated to America’s classical music, in the heart of Manhattan. On a personal level, I lost my mother, re-bonded with my father, struggled for an adult relationship with my daughter, was embraced by two grandsons, and in the process of building a relationship with my partner realized that I’m not actually right all of the time. Sometimes, I have been speechless, without words, a vexing, scary state for a writer. We have lost much as a country and as individuals over this past ten years. Yet there have been many gains as well. For all that has fallen apart we have, in ways large and small, come together. What is difficult is keeping what has been achieved in the forefront, not succumbing to our society’s tendency to accentuate the negative, to the much easier act of destruction as opposed to construction. The challenge, for all of us, is to identify, find, create balance and joy and hopefulness. Always joy and hopefulness. A few months ago, trying to get my 3-year-old grandson to sleep, after singing and telling elaborate stories in which he was the triumphant star, I reminded him that he had to go to sleep at night if he wanted to be a big boy, if he wanted to grow up. “I don’t want to grow up,” he told me. “I want to grow down.” But that, I know, even if he doesn’t yet, is impossible. In a world alternately exhilarating and devastating, there is only one way to grow, and that is up. Older, wiser and still holding on to the wonder.

Jill Nelson 10/18/11 – The blog with the musical notes!