Being the resident Mom blogger, it would be remiss not to acknowledge the back-to-school groove that most families in this country are now preparing for or have encountered this academic orientation week.  Most often, the overarching spirit that plagues most children as they leave one grade level and enter into the next is either anticipation or anxiety, or a mixture of both.  (Hm, sounds familiar?!)

From womb to tomb, the first day or last day of almost anything – kindergarten, high school, college, career, marriage, relocation, parenthood, divorce, unemployment, chemotherapy, you name it — tends to be a day of emotional reckoning. Whichever the case, my only hope is that one remains open and unwaveringly committed to co-creating the moment of newness with vigor. Welcome to the first day of being…. present.

It is a gift. Put your hand down. Be quiet. Open your eyes. Witness your own journey. The most sacred are seen rather than heard, shown rather than told. Water to wine. Who’s whining? Parents, are your projecting your kindergartener’s first day of school with age old one-liners and a box of tissue?  Remove the filter, that’s all you. Comfort, console and instill courage for them to also be…present. 

As I previously stated at the END of last year…..

Recognize that some embrace endings as a celebratory launching pad for newness, while others are paralyzed and fear new beginnings like a nomadic journey into the abyss.

Endings are inevitable — life is movement from one season or phase to the next.  Like the ending of a scrumptious meal, a beautiful sunset, a rigorous workout, to the ending of a captivating movie, stimulating book, or a joyful holiday– there is a sense of completion that seems to leave us elevated and inspired.  On the contrary– atrocious relationships, negative energy, fearful children, abusive adults, impoverished people, homelessness, hopelessness, terror, racism, sexism, and war —completion is complicated, multifaceted, welcoming and certainly long overdue.

As we end the calendar year and enter into a new decade, be INTENTIONAL.  Forget cliché resolutions and rituals. Now isn’t the time to focus on the external — fad diets, and the likes. Now is the time to go inward and be relentless in your ambitions, to be the odd and the difference. Little do you realize, your difference is your genius.  Start being the person you see beneath your mirror image, the part of you that dreams and know your purpose is high and highly regarded in the master plan of life.

 Demand that joy, peace, and happiness override any feelings of fear, meekness and stagnation. Center yourself in the middle of your dream and leave behind low, shallow, petty people, places and things. Separate yourself from things that suffocate your authentic self and become a magnate that draws, love, light and life.

 Give with a spirit of thanksgiving, raise awareness to issues that are life shattering. Be iconic in your own world, in your own life. Stop looking for outward  approval. Celebrate yourself, it’s the only thing you can really do without fail. Your life starts within and radiates from that cultivated place.  Simplify your thinking yet enlarge your mind– a single raindrop can ripple an ocean.  

 Write down your plan (Habakkuk 2:2 2Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables), speak it (Proverbs 18:21 21Death and life are in the power of the tongue) so you will live it. (Proverbs 29:18 18Where there is no vision, the people perish.)

Lisa Hopkins Newell

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been in purge mode.  Even my children have felt the joy in releasing and ridding of accumulated stuff.  My little one, well, just call her Niecy Nash Jr. As she stirred around our home, she repeated one word for all to hear: detach.  In other words, don’t get vacuumed into the ‘awww’ factor. My ten year old led our purification mission – from the mouth of babes God speaks.   

My cleanse initially started in the physical realm but quickly morphed into a mental, emotional, and spiritual purification journey.  Unlike my usual– abc, 123—structure, profound clarity is always hidden in the ebb and flow of being inwardly still.  I quieted the headstrong, ‘cup half full or half empty’ perspective, tossed the content and shattered the glass. Renewal isn’t about measurement, but clarity.

Renewal is personal and can only be analyzed from your own mind’s eye. However, it does includes acceptance, forgiveness, healing, listening and becoming whole with the holes—silence is a piercing gateway.  Spiritually, even Jesus encouraged us in his parable of putting new wine in old wine skins and telling us to ‘be renewed in the spirit of your mind’.   

As I’ve always told my girlies, pay attention to you. Stop looking outward for commentary on your divine design, you must know, love and approve yourself first. Give and recieve love and flush out the rest. (Yes, I have to remind myself of this often.)

How do you know if you’re moving in a rightly direction – there’s always confirmation.  You don’t have to seek it. It tends to just show up and usually confirms your internal compass.  Sometimes, it’ll blow you away.

Lisa Newell

A family tree is an insightful adventure. Navigating the branches, I found that the adage ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’ is an honest truth. Surely, one can separate from its source, but the seed within remains the same — plant it anywhere, the roots will grow and reveal themselves. Let’s get down to earth– as your children sprout into young adults are they being bruised or nurtured as they ripe? Check the garden, maybe you should prune as they blossom…

 It’s easy to bask in the sunshine as a sole entity, but what happens when you’re in charge on next season harvest? Seemingly we’ve all been equipped with spiritual sensory to know the difference between what is healthy or unhealthy whether we acknowledge/use it or not. However, when it comes to children, parents have been charged with a unique blessing to undergird and oversee their children’s lives from the tip of the branches to the base of the trunk. Sure it’s selfless and complicated, but a joy… again whether you acknowledge it, or do it, or not.    

 Often, parents spend a tremendous amount of time, effort and energy, uprooting all the ‘weeds’ with hopes that their children produce the best possible life harvest.  But what happens if the primary ‘weeds’ are at the root level – i.e., the grandparents, the ex, or worst, y-o-u?  What if you discover the deadliest harm to flourishing is among you?  There are a few options to eliminate damage – however, what’s most important is to shield your children from negative influences no matter the source or how close to home they may be — forget a scarecrow,  I prefer weed killer.

 As we guard ourselves and our ‘crops’ from being scorched, over-watered or malnourished by those who may mean well, it is critical to have safe guards in place. Although people don’t come with a perish date or visible damage, watch for fruit flies. Even such, I personally believe that honesty, age appropriate of course, is a critical component to keeping your family aware of perceived hazards.  Believe or not, protection, not agreement, is a part of love.  Use wisdom, don’t allow anyone to walk through your garden and toss fertilizer around.  They may putrefy you and your most precious gift. 

 Lisa Newell

 The sacred journey of motherhood is unlike any other. We’ve all experienced the journey as daughters of women who’ve carefully taught us, meticulously molded us, and even unknowingly left a few indentations that have taken years of work to pound out. Nevertheless, when it’s all said and done, these women who we isolate into a role and refer to as mothers are absolutely phenomenal.

This past week, I realized that I’ve become one of those amazing women – a mother. It wasn’t through the lens of my biological relationship that it hit me, but witnessing my daughter become a young woman as she took flight from beneath my wings with truth, wisdom, integrity, confidence, courage and a strong mind.

It was a light switch moment that all started on our road trip/drive to school. Watching my daughter walk across a college campus, and depart with a long hug and a quick wave then fade into a crowd of young women was an eye opener– my rea’l work is done. Yes, she’s only thirteen, yes it’s a engineering camp program, yes it’s for one week– but it seems like the other day she was learning and adjusting into her own skin and now she is leading and navigating her own path.

As mothers, we live, we learn, we teach, we challenge, we impart, and we seemingly spend a lifetime of letting go and celebrating the fruits of our labor. In our infinite wisdom, just when we thought we’d gotten the hang of it, it’s gone in a twinkle of an eye. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, rock star or a celebrity to publicly acknowledge that it is the single most impactful journey that one takes in lifetime – be present and capture every moment  within your heart.

Lisa Newell

                                                        During moments of short circuiting do you become a live wire?

Out of nowhere it shocks me every year! Here we are basking in the hottest and most relaxing month of the summer and… back-to-school supplies are on display?! Ouch! As I whizzed through a store, the question became, should I stop, look and listen to reality OR stop, drop and roll into another isle. Of course my children wanted to run and grab items off their supply list, but honestly I wanted to grab them and run!

Was it their spend thrift mindset to shop the ‘b-t-s’ sale or a genuine enthusiasm for school? Hm, whichever the case, I was annoyed!  Are we back to the early mornings, tons of homework, PTA meetings, fundraising, late night research, ‘zipping and ripping’ routine already, is summer fun over?!

What surfaced for me in this moment of truth was… from macro to micro… how do I manage annoyances in the presence of my children, hence they tend to emulate whom they observe the most.  The parental key is to think before speaking and certainly reacting!

My thoughts were, do I…

a) REACT; stomp my foot, roll my eyes and demand for them to put down the rulers and pencils; 

b) AVOIDANCE; turn away and divert their attention to the original point of being in the store

c) TACKLE; acknowledge the need to shop, but plan for a later date

I think I did a combination of all three, (I’m a work in progressJ) but the more important point is that I’ve become keenly aware of my behavior, language, tone and energy hence it is the “live” wire transmitting at all times! 

Lisa Newell

 The masses have gone absolutely ballistic over the recent unofficial leak that Essence magazine has engage a white Fashion Director to steer the image of black women for the publication. Blasted over web media and blog sources, this is a hot topic that black women are not having!  

According to Huffington Post, “Essence Magazine has been called out by some of its readership and supporters for reportedly hiring a white Fashion Director, according to CLUTCH Magazine. Ellianna Placas, formerly of O: The Oprah Magazine and US Weekly is said to be starting at the magazine in September, although Essence hasn’t made an official announcement.”

Yesterday, I experienced the mayhem firsthand as a guest on The Santita Jackson Show in Chicago.  (She’s the daughter of Rev. Jesse Jackson, Sr.) The phone lines were jumping off the hook as we discussed this seemingly black/white issue on live radio.  A couple of listeners called in and stated they may cancel their subscription due to the ‘white’ woman being hired in the new post.

As a fashion professional and writer, I’m equally concerned about the fashion direction as I am challenged by the responses. Firstly, as black women, we are creative, innovative beings. We are the heat, the hot, and the spice in life and we tend to sprinkle that same flavor into our wardrobe. We inspire the runways with our unique fashion sense, our cultural vibe and our eye for combining and mixing fabrication and color.  Our style is innate, trends tend to cue us not dictate our next move. We take simple pieces and create masterful looks that we own, not immitate.

Black women are the targeted audience for the publication so my professional inquiry is: why didn’t Essence tap a highly qualified black woman for the post? Or a woman or man of color? We are out here. We’re poised, polished and have the credentials and the connections to push the fashion content to the next level. Secondly, my personal inquiry is: does this new fashion director have the intuitive eye to serve up fashion outside of the stereotypes of what black women like, and will she be able provide fashion content with the eclectic edge that we tend to explore as a culture. Will this person be sensitive to our curves  and clothing silhouettes, textures, colors, and details that ’fit’ us? I’m hoping the fashion presentation will not lean into unnecessary ostentation and an overarching tribal spin, or a colorful fiasco. Heaven forbid!

 How many positions are out there really suited and shaped for a black woman? Corporate climb or not, this one was.  As a black woman, I ‘get’ black women, we are fundamentally connected. Clothing, that’s a topical expression– effortless, we intimately know what we love and we’re sensitive to our multi-tasking lifestyles and budget and the clothing needed to be super woman. This Fashion Director post seems to be literally tailored made for a black woman but maybe this new FD has something spicy up her sleeve.

 One thing is for sure, we’ve been mixing Balenciaga with H&M, forever – budget or not, now that the rest of the world has caught on, it’s new? NEXT! We’ve always been one step ahead; can this new FD catch up or pull us forward? Don’t flee, let’s wait and see….

Lisa Newell

There’s nothing like friendly competition between siblings, but what is the barometer when friendly nudging develops into a serious competitive edge among family members?  What was once considered healthy and innocent child’s play can quietly fester into a taunting, daunting relationship.

In one realm we teach our children that the family is the base and the safe haven, but in another realm we encourage them to resolve issues among themselves as sibling because it’s never that serious, right?  As parents inundated with life as it happens, we may want to pay closer attention to the outcome of dominant personalities in our family unit. Honestly, you could be dismissing behavior with innocent comments such as “middle child syndrome” or the “shyness” but what if the behavior is simply a bully in the making or a inferiority complex developing!? 

Chatting with a girlfriend the other day, she explained her distant relationship with her sister as a harbored pain from their childhood. She was called the pretty one, while her sister was called the smart one. Her sister joined the ignorance and would use slanderous remarks during arguments to diminish and berate her intelligence. Now, twenty years later it’s a personal insecurity that has her being the ultimate overachiever in her family, although her husband doesn’t mind.   

Many parents love to stay in a neutral position, but maybe it’s time for you to put on your referee garb and blow the whistle on bully-like behavior in the family. Remember….it all starts at home, not in the streets!  

Lisa Newell

Well, well, Mel’s at it again. The tapes, the words, the lessons never learned. The drama is, what the drama will be, but the violent behavior and slanderous language is overkill.  The alleged Mel Gibson verbal rant  was made behind closed doors. His comments were directed to a single person, in an isolated scenario. Does that make a difference?

Honestly, I wasn’t going to script the latest happenings, however when Whoopi Goldberg made a few remarks regarding the situation and suddenly her became tied to defending Mel Gibson, I could not resist. Of course Whoopi set the record straight with clarifying remarks on The View.  She did not condone Mel Gibson’s behavior or comments, however she did infer from knowing him over the year that she did not perceive him as a racist.  Have you ever sprewed slanderous words in a moment frustration? With a spell of humor, Whoopi posed food for thought, we all need to consider—are you a racist?

Does it matter if one makes an isolated slanderous remark about race, gender, sexual orientation, citizenship, in the heat of a moment toward a specific person OR does that sincerely reflect your heart’s truth, your personal position and posture on that race or gender, etc.? 

Does the context matter, or is the real issue about sheding what is thwarting the behavior or language, or is wrong just wrong? Are closed door comments, the new microphone moment?

Lisa Newell

The standardize test scores are IN, is your child? Standardized test scores for middle school children in many cities are the absolute determining factor for top high school selection. I’d heard the vicious rumors of parental pressure and the academic toil that ensues from the critical need for exceptional performance during the seventh grade year, but I figured it was exaggeration gone amuck. Humph, child please, the truth officially set me straight!

This past academic school year was nothing less than over the top for my seventh grader. The pressure was on, the back pack was slung low, the school books were piled high, and the midnight oil damn near burned out!  This year, not only were we—yes, we— were up against nailing high Illinois Standardized Achievement Test scores, but also A’s as a final grade in four core subjects in order to  be competitively position to qualify for a spot at one of the top four “selective enrollment” public school in the city. This even sounds crazy as I write it. 

We nailed the A’s and last night I learned via email from our principal, my daughter is a major contender—her scores are h-i-g-h percentages, 95+!  WHEW! The craziness doesn’t stop there. We are not out of the fire. During eighth grade, there’s the high school entrance exam, the last of the three components used for determination.

 Yes, I had a celebratory glass of bubbly! The truth is, for many families – either your goals will come to fruition or you’ll be paying tuition!   I’m still in save mode, until safe!

Let’s rewind the tape to adequately move forward. Seemingly, we are still weighing in on the “Unacceptable Behavior” blog. Many of you have made very strong statements about the young woman who pushed the police officer in Seattle.  I think we collectively agree that her behavior was absolutely inappropriate.

As a parent my question becomes WHY are our children becoming disrespectful young adults? At this point, it doesn’t matter if it’s a law enforcement officer, a teacher, an elderly person or a random adult.  Honestly, we’ve all seen children of all ages wild-out on their parents in the grocery store, the library, among other public places. Have we become newfangled parents who allow our children to negotiate until they yield their desired results?

From hitting, screaming, and name calling, the behavior is quite disturbing. Granted inside of my home, slamming doors and ‘back talking’ is NOT an effective way to elevate the stakes, or win the stage either.  

Communication goes a long way, but when is talking, explaining and negotiating with your children too much?  Sure, encouraging a child to be an independent thinker is one thing but allowing them to berate your intelligence, wisdom and parental authority for self-expression is another.  Where is the fear, caution or hesitancy of repercussion for disrespectful behavior?   Little do we realize, as parents, we set the model and often allow the inappropriateness… it starts at home under your jurisdiction!

Lisa Newell