Change…

It’s official. As the fall season arrogantly approaches there’s a brisk chill in the air that’s defining the beginning of a season.  Like or not, Mother Nature is anointing us with a kind reminder of the cycle of life and that there’s a time and a season to everything under sun.  Again, change is evitable, embrace it with splendor. It’s refreshing, well, I think so at least.

Of course, there are tons of major issues in the world, but sometimes, just sometimes… a moment with my cashmere scarf snuggled around my neck, walking through rustling leaves, and noticing the vibrantly rich hues in the changing foliage, while sipping a hot beverage is nothing less than beautiful  simplicity. It is heavenly solace that soothes the soul and warms the spirit.  Admittedly, it is unequivocally my most spectacular season of the year. Who knew, a few cool days have me fall-ing forward and others falling out over change. Perspective is everything.    

Exchange….

Before it’s all said and done, over the last two weeks of summer our family will be hosting a lovely young lady from Spain. Beyond mothering my girls, I have the honor of being a host Madre of another super woman’s daughter who barely speaks English. Although my daughter and her host sister have been chatting via facebook for months and we’ve been corresponding via email, I’ve found myself nesting in anticipation for her arrival. Her mother is an amazing woman. Trust is paramount. Comfort is critical. Exposure is exceptional.  Her words, until you’ve lived it, you’re a spectator.  Again, change is good. 

Lisa Hopkins Newell

Women owned businesses have been the fastest growing segment of new start up entrepreneurial endeavors. I’m glad to see this as I’ve been a professional and an entrepreneur for many, (yes, many) years now.

I have found being an entrepreneur takes a special kind of courage and it can be an amazing platform to grow one up spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. I can tell you story after story of the types of personal growth and expansion experiences that I’ve undergone that would not have presented themselves as dramatically if I had only stayed in the world of the job market.

Now job markets have their place for accelerating personal growth also – especially when they dry up as they are doing now! Our changing times are an opportunity to develop your courage and follow your purpose in developing your business platform to support your soul’s journey in evolving to your true potential.

Now, I want to touch on the biggest dragon that will need to be slain on this journey to fulfillment and empowerment; you may have guessed it, it is the issues that continue to haunt women and society concerning money. Money has been blamed for all manner of “evil”; in fact, people often MIS-QUOTE the Bible saying, “Money is the root of all evil”.

Actually, it said the “love of money” and here love refers to trust in or coveting – it refers to the true root of greed, selfishness and the belief in “not enoughness”. Do you know what this is? It’s FEAR – Fictitious Evidence Affecting Reality. Fear is the root of the perception of evil. Fear of lack, to be more specific and this lack covers everything from lack of love, security and even self-esteem – three fundamental human ego needs. I’m listening to an audiobook called, “Unleashing the Soul of Money” by Lynne Twist. The Universe always brings to me just what I need to explore and to solidify a lesson I’m undergoing.

In recent weeks, I have received many insights into my relationship with money. I’ll share a couple as it relates to the Soul of Money and business. As a young child, I always seemed to easily save and attract money. I never had fear about it; I just assumed I would have lots of it. I had a teenage experience however, that was full of drama, and ultimately, I made a decision; I created a paradigm that was based on a FEAR that money would not be there for me when I needed it.

In fact, I unconsciously connected my fear that I would not be provided for with my very sense of security in life and self-esteem, which at the time was already bruised. You see, I wanted to be a doctor in a world that not only did not believe I could do it, but made it clear that I was “on my own”. Back at that time, I could not even obtain a student loan due to my father’s income, and I was afraid to move out and live on my own.

I was in a mediocre at best public high school system, and lack mindedness was at every turn it seemed. Even though I was a strong student, I received no college guidance. Long story short, the Universe provided so remarkably well, that I paid for my own undergraduate degree in cash, attracted a merit scholarship, and saved thousands of dollars by the time I graduated undergraduate a year ahead of schedule. Medical school tuition money also magically materialized.

Yet, without conscious realization, I bought into the “survival of the fittest” paradigm, did not really “see” how abundantly the Universe had met my needs and continued to abundantly provide. No matter how many millions of dollars flowed through my hands, I never seemed to have “enough” nor could I seem to keep a significant proportion of it. I kept my FOCUS on “not enough” and continued to create this in my experience.

Granted, I tithed regularly, and to be honest, some of the time it was done in a sense of self-protection instead of just openhearted generosity – yes, intention does matter. I think tithing helped me to at least keep some of my money in an energy of sharing, instead of all fear-based waste. (This waste was one way that I as creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of “not enough”).

I recently realized that I literally had this fear-based belief in my body, in my bones, blocking the light of my soul in many ways. When we refuse to honestly examine the source of our drama, instead of diving right in and intentionally asking for the insight into eliminating the “cataract of the soul” that is hindering our clarity around money, we set ourselves up for money drama.

My conclusion, as is Lynne Twist’s is that money is neutral. I call it the great “exposer” however, as it will reveal all manners of FEAR. We project all kinds of fear onto money. Money only exposes what we are afraid of; it does not make us “do” anything. Money is not “bad” or “good”, yet, if you think you can ignore it, judge it, or pretend that you don’t need it and still have a healthy, flowing life and business – you are delusional and still looking through another “cataract of the soul”. Also, this “not enoughness” shows up not only via out money issues; it is reflected also in our perception of time and energy.

A key secret to women being successful entrepreneurs is to deal with judgments such as “money is not spiritual”, or that you can actually stay in business without being able to pay your bills. Then there is blaming money for all manner of “evil”. This fear will only keep money out of your pocket. Or, how about issues of self-worth? If you think that you are not “smart enough”, not “good enough” or “what will they think about me if”, you are setting yourself up for struggle.

If you think, “rich people are bad”, or that “you shouldn’t consider the money, just serve” – another fear disguised as “spiritual” – you may want to examine your money stories. If this is your choice, that’s fine. The conflict I see though is when others try to tell me that I should not concern myself with collecting money that I legitimately earned, in the name of “service”. In my world, I get to choose when I do charity work, and when I do business, which by definition involves the exchange of money. No one decides this for me in the name of being “spiritual”.

Money just reflects in manifested form what is hanging out in our soul’s field and blocking its light. It shows what is covering over your inner light. Even if you are a billionaire it can expose lack consciousness. Lack consciousness also manifests as greed, selfishness, worry about the stock market percentages, connecting your sense of personal power and worth to it, etc, etc.

Give me a break, even if you took 1 billion dollars and put it in a CD, you could live quite comfortably for an entire lifetime (or a few), unless that is, you focus on never being satisfied and “not enough”. Are you seeing this? The issue here is PERCEPTION. As Buckminster Fuller is known to have said, we will have to switch the paradigm from “you or me” to “you and me”, if the world is to stay intact.

If we ask different questions, like “what can we do to create a paradigm where we can live abundantly and take care of our planet, and support the development of people’s talent and let go of the need to dominate others?” (All things are possible if we at least open our mind to consider it), – instead of completely buying into the lie that the present way is all that is possible – maybe we could find some new answers. Just maybe, but why not start to ask?

Where do we start? We start by realizing that FEAR is for the most part, completely psychological. As I said, Fictitious Evidence Affecting Reality. Getting more, be it money, information or business cards, will do little to grow a healthy business and life as long as we refuse to shine the light on our issues, and money will reveal a ton of issues if you would only pull up the courage within to deal with it.

CORE confidence comes from the inside out and will go a long way in the development of an abundant life and a successful business. Abundance is a paradigm, a mindset and in my world, not the same as greed. When you feel abundant, you are not in a “not enough” energy in the first place and you live from generosity and have plenty of overflow to share. Any thoughts on the reflecting power of money to reveal issues clouding the soul?

Valencia Ray, MD
The Confidence Doc

We're Inside, Making the 3rd Chapter Fabulous!!!

Making the Third Chapter Fabulous: Prose! Yoga! Passion! the first retreat I’ve hosted on Martha’s Vineyard, ended Sunday and was a great success. It was absolutely wonderful to be in the company of women interested in working their minds, bodies, and having a ball in the process. And you can imagine how fabulous it was for me when participants asked for an additional afternoon writing session. Writing is so often a lonely endeavor, so you what an energy filled treat it was to sit in a comfortable chair with a group of women and simply write for an hour!  I’m not sure of I started a book during the retreat, but several participants worked on projects, one a coming of age memoir and the other a funny novel, that I’ll bet will hit your bookstore, or electronic  reader, in the not too distant future. Others began work that may well develop into something wonderful. Everyone left inspired, motivated, and determined to carve out time in busy lives to write, whether at 5:30 am or !0:30 after exercise class.

Lots of writing, sunrise yoga, massage, foot reflexology and a belly dancing lesson, dinner and conversation with authors Roni DeLuz, Jessica Harris, and Holly Nadler, mostly perfect weather and the drama of the possibility of Hurricane Earl hitting Martha’s Vineyard and the relief of experiencing one rainy, windy night and clear skies and sun the next day…Who could ask for anything more? Except a repeat in 2011, already in the works. Stay tuned for more information, and check out my blog at jillnelson.com for postings on each days activities, comments from participants, daily menu’s – Chef Extraordinaire Alexander Smalls served us the most delicious food imaginable! (FYI, he’s planning to open  restaurant in Harlem soon, and will definitely be back here next year) –  and lots of photographs! Hope to see you next year! (Check my web site in a few weeks for dates, description, an early-bird special and payment plans.)

Jill Nelson 9/7/10 – The blog with the musical notes

Last night a friend asked me about Jack and Jill, an organization I know little about (any one who does feel free to share) I was hardly the debutante type. In my hometown I was the kind of girl they called “fast”, I was actually more like light speed. Debutante parents didn’t want their daughters hanging around with me and well their sons…they silently prayed I imagine every night to the planned parenthood gods that their good boys “just said no”. Most of them had the wrong end of the stick, their good boys were interested in other good boys and their daughters taught me a thing or two. But the label was fun and I did hang around an older crowd, that was so over protective I never got have any real fun (well maybe a little) and I missed out on a lot of things girls my age did then. My friends were in college, so I didn’t have time for things like prom, or homecoming or dances.

Senior year, I didn’t go to a ball but I went to my first Superbowl party. I was 17 and it was at the apartment of this fraternity guy that all my friends knew well. He was the most popular guy around, he was gorgeous and funny and every girl threw herself at him. Except me. I didn’t even bother. He was the best host and he was cooking for his guests. I knew nothing about football. I sat blankly like the the other girls in the room and watched the commercials. I didn’t even bother to understand the game. When we left all the girls in the car giggled about the host, how cute and funny he was. They all claimed his as their “brother”. Oh brother….A few months later was prom night and instead of making memories that will last a lifetime with my classmates, I was throwing the hottest party in town with my friend whose parents were out of town. By that time we were all friends, and when frat hottie and all his friends showed up, including one I was sort of seeing. Well it’s a party that lives in history. Maybe I missed the prom…but it was one of the best nights of my life till this day. I went away for the summer, everyone slowly disbanded, college, jobs, grad school. Over the years. I would see a few occasionally on campus but this fast girl was always fast in her books. Four years of college took me three. I jetted out of the country right after graduation and never looked back. If you asked me for my best and happiest memories of yesterday, those are the only two I have. That “prom night” and that Superbowl.

I went on and built a life, of which football became a huge part. My former said you loose me for 16weeks so I decided to join him. Yes I changed for a man. I let him train me in it, and he knew everything about the game. Every Sunday for 16 weeks we watched and I played, I studied, he marveled at his smash mouth football frankendoll. I played fantasy and got a trophy, I sat in the cold at Giant’s stadium. I remember what I was wearing when the Giants won the Superbowl a few years ago. I complain that finding safeties who can cover is tough these days and that the Ravens QB is a sleeper pick. I came a long way baby…from that girl on her first Superbowl.

Some of you know what this years Superbowl was like for me, following a gut-wrentching break from my former, I spent it on another continent. The game came on at breakfast and I was making amazing spanish omelette’s ( I had never cooked before, my former did all that too), with fresh guacamole…for frat hottie who is now a majorly amazing man.

I had decided to give up football this year. It’s painful to hear my former who I will love in many ways for the rest of my life coming out of my mouth. I sound like him, I tell jokes that I know he would laugh about. He’d be proud of me in the game. I said I needed to break that bond this year and trade in my jersey for opera seats and a debutante dress. Football frankendoll must die!

This morning a friend who is far away sent me a note asking me a huge favor… could I help out with his fantasy football team? I laughed…when God is happy with you he plays with you says an old African tale. I went really fast to end up right where back I started. I said yes of course, and I thought life is good. Progress for me isn’t about how much I can get rid of, and fast… but how much of what matters can I hold on to. My grandmother used to say…don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. I almost went to fast and cut off something precious, to spite my face. Thank God… for the sense of humor. And for letting me keep my nose. I need it to breathe deep and smell the progress.

It’s easy to shake our heads or tsk, tsk, tsk or snicker over the recent news reports about Montana Fishburne, the 19-year-old daughter of actor Laurence Fishburne. Montana, in case you haven’t heard, is the star of a recently released X-rated video. And this wasn’t case of a hidden camera or a private tape sold by an ex.

Montana decided to make a porn video in order to launch her career. In interviews she has admitted she hoped to receive the same attention and career boost that was seemingly enjoyed by Kim Kardashian and other Hollywood starlets.

“I’ve watched how successful Kim Kardashian became, and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape,” Montana said in a statement through Vivid Entertainment, which is releasing her first porn film. “I’m hoping the same magic will work for me. I’m impatient about getting well-known and having more opportunities, and this seemed like a great way to get started on it.”

Not surprisingly, Laurence Fishburne is said to be furious with his daughter.

And who could blame him?

In fact, who doesn’t feel for the Fishburne family? We may watch the occasional porn film for kicks but have a daughter star in one? Yikes!

As this drama continues to unfold with one titilating revelation after another coming out, one can’t help but empathize with the Fishburne’s.

And before you say, ‘It could never happen to me; my daughter knows better,” remember this: that’s pretty much what the Fishburne’s and other parents thought, too.

Being the resident Mom blogger, it would be remiss not to acknowledge the back-to-school groove that most families in this country are now preparing for or have encountered this academic orientation week.  Most often, the overarching spirit that plagues most children as they leave one grade level and enter into the next is either anticipation or anxiety, or a mixture of both.  (Hm, sounds familiar?!)

From womb to tomb, the first day or last day of almost anything – kindergarten, high school, college, career, marriage, relocation, parenthood, divorce, unemployment, chemotherapy, you name it — tends to be a day of emotional reckoning. Whichever the case, my only hope is that one remains open and unwaveringly committed to co-creating the moment of newness with vigor. Welcome to the first day of being…. present.

It is a gift. Put your hand down. Be quiet. Open your eyes. Witness your own journey. The most sacred are seen rather than heard, shown rather than told. Water to wine. Who’s whining? Parents, are your projecting your kindergartener’s first day of school with age old one-liners and a box of tissue?  Remove the filter, that’s all you. Comfort, console and instill courage for them to also be…present. 

As I previously stated at the END of last year…..

Recognize that some embrace endings as a celebratory launching pad for newness, while others are paralyzed and fear new beginnings like a nomadic journey into the abyss.

Endings are inevitable — life is movement from one season or phase to the next.  Like the ending of a scrumptious meal, a beautiful sunset, a rigorous workout, to the ending of a captivating movie, stimulating book, or a joyful holiday– there is a sense of completion that seems to leave us elevated and inspired.  On the contrary– atrocious relationships, negative energy, fearful children, abusive adults, impoverished people, homelessness, hopelessness, terror, racism, sexism, and war —completion is complicated, multifaceted, welcoming and certainly long overdue.

As we end the calendar year and enter into a new decade, be INTENTIONAL.  Forget cliché resolutions and rituals. Now isn’t the time to focus on the external — fad diets, and the likes. Now is the time to go inward and be relentless in your ambitions, to be the odd and the difference. Little do you realize, your difference is your genius.  Start being the person you see beneath your mirror image, the part of you that dreams and know your purpose is high and highly regarded in the master plan of life.

 Demand that joy, peace, and happiness override any feelings of fear, meekness and stagnation. Center yourself in the middle of your dream and leave behind low, shallow, petty people, places and things. Separate yourself from things that suffocate your authentic self and become a magnate that draws, love, light and life.

 Give with a spirit of thanksgiving, raise awareness to issues that are life shattering. Be iconic in your own world, in your own life. Stop looking for outward  approval. Celebrate yourself, it’s the only thing you can really do without fail. Your life starts within and radiates from that cultivated place.  Simplify your thinking yet enlarge your mind– a single raindrop can ripple an ocean.  

 Write down your plan (Habakkuk 2:2 2Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables), speak it (Proverbs 18:21 21Death and life are in the power of the tongue) so you will live it. (Proverbs 29:18 18Where there is no vision, the people perish.)

Lisa Hopkins Newell

Confidence for women takes courage that’s for sure. It requires courage in order to go against the prevailing “common sense”. Common sense, says that confidence is based on externals such as the degree you hold, your job title, your gender, race, religion, family social status, etc, etc.

This may be “common knowledge”, yet it is foolishness. It is not wise. Wisdom overrides convention, and thus, the need for courage to be able to open your mind – and heart – to be able to consider it and receive. Sometimes I need to be the “loving lioness”.

When I was insecure and lived in fear, I came from a place of self-rejection, criticism of self and others and essentially lived hiding behind a mask of “confidence” and over achievement. It was a mask because it did not feel authentically me.

I was so afraid of being hurt that I decide to control (what an illusion) instead of being controlled. While this decision did help me at the stage of consciousness that I was at, and in the world in which I found myself, it ultimately created chaos in my life and was leading to forms of self-sabotage.  It became destructive.

Change is a good thing, in that sometimes things need to be destroyed before they are rebuilt. Yet, if you use wisdom, you can head some of this type of destructive energy off at the pass. Why wait until your life falls apart from illness, divorce or unpleasant relationship drama with children or friends? Why wait until you get kicked out of that job you hate or your business falls apart?

This is the way the “common” mindset works. It hangs on for dear life, clinging to the status quo, fearing change. If you want quantum leap change, and if you want core confidence, coming from your true, Authentic self, you will have to take the leap, by faith with courage, using PRINCIPLES that are ancient, and lasting, in order to live your true potential.

You will have to learn how to eliminate what I call, “cataracts of the soul” so that you can see more clearly the Light within, so that you can love and embrace yourself and others. You can then see their Light also instead of attracting fear and judgment. While you can’t stop others from judging you, when you know who you are and surround yourself in the protection of light and love, their judgment can then roll off of you like “water off a duck’s back”.

That is their problem; again stop trying to control the world. Self-love is the magic key to empowerment. Ladies, when we love ourselves, we stop looking for love in all the wrong places. We can have boundaries without extremes. We can take off the armor on the one hand, and on the other, we can get up off the floor and stop being a doormat.

Self-love is about taking care of your own needs and then giving from the overflow of love. Here’s a video, my gift to you, please pass it on. Self-sacrifice and martyrdom is no way to live and is not the intention of Divine Love. Love is an exceedingly abundant energy; there’s plenty for all. What’s love got to do with confidence? I say everything. What do you say?

Valencia Ray, MD
The Confidence Doc

Looks like he's enjoying himself image courtesy Steve Myrick.V Times

So there I was, swimming in the waters of a private beach, off the village of Edgartown, on the island of Martha’s Vineyard, courtesy of knowing someone with a key to this private beach. Stroking along in the cool ocean on a flawless, hot day, not a cloud in the sky, I life my head out of the water to breathe, open my eyes, and there he is, the President of the United States, Barack Obama, swimming along beside me. “Hey, President Obama!” I yell when I turn my face up for air again, but before he can respond a wave rolls over me, my mouth fills with not air but water, I begin coughing and then wake up. Need I say that Barack Obama is nowhere in sight?

Which was, for the most part, exactly where he was during his vacation on Martha’s Vineyard. In spite of hope, expectations, and the prayers of many on this small island that has become the summer destination for many successful African Americans, the President and his family spent most of their vacation in private. Sure, you could feel the energy in the air, a combination of pride, suspense, tension, anticipation and celebration, but most people here didn’t see a glimpse of the President and First Family.  Thwarting great expectations, neither the President or the First Lady strolled the streets of Oak Bluff, or swam at the beach known as The Inkwell, or ate at Deon’s, the only black-owned restaurant in town, or visited Cousen Rose Gallery or C’est la Vie, two shops owned by people of African descent.  They came, they vacationed, they left. Press reports have it they enjoyed, too.  As did the rest of us, Obama sighting or not.

Speaking of sighting, the retreat begins tonight!!!! Please check my web site!!! Even if you’re not here, you can join us virtually!!!!

Jill Nelson 8/31/10 – The blog with the musical notes!

Sometimes in life we get the boot. Fired from a job, a marriage, a friendship…a group or organization. From some groups, like the military, boot camp is a weeding out process. It’s done, not so much to look at who has failed, but to identify those who have what it takes to stick, to be the best and who despite moments of discomfort and tension never quit and never give up. There’s a thought that says if you quit once, you will quit again, so those who drop out and say they want out…well, there are no second chances.

Someone used to call me relentless…say I never stopped. When I dig into something I don’t walk away, which is why I am careful about what I take on. A job, a relationship, a friendship, a process…for me it’s a never say die kind of journey. Yesterday, my best friend was in a jam and well… I’m what you would call a first responder and I don’t quit, she counted on that. I have noticed that lately, more and more of my friends come to me and what used to seem like a burden, now is a pleasure and a manifestation of their faith in me. It’s about trust and leadership and knowing that I won’t get tired, I won’t quit on them. Ever. It has also meant a weeding out process, that I am glad is taking place naturally and not by my force or will. A good guy friend dropped the other day, I thought I would be sad, I was relieved. Left space for another, who is, as they say…yolked like me.

My first marriage was boot camp, a training ground. Yesterday, when someone I loved was in a serious situation, I was able to stay calm and help her lead herself through. My basic training with him, didn’t always make for the healthiest “marriage”, but sometimes we need to change or rather transform how we look at something that is no longer in our life. He taught me survival skills, literally, and football. Then he gave me the boot. I have been pretty mad about that. Until now. No Eat, Pray whatever for me.

Yesterday in addition to my best friend being in crisis, my beloved who is in Afghanistan, sent me a note that said “Help!”, want to know fear, get an email like that. I opened it, he was just worried about his fantasy football team. Again I thanked my former, I knew what to do. Instinct and training. Sometimes places in our lives are no more than training grounds, a camp to prepare for the next journey. I am seeing my next journey unfold before me and I’m thankful, as are two people I love that my boots weren’t made for walking, especially not over people. My boots stay firmly on the ground!

Can Baby Phat still be Baby Phat without the presence of its founder and chief spokesperson, Kimora Lee Simmons?

We’re about to find out.

Word came out last week that Baby Phat, which is now owned by Kellwood Company, has parted ways with Simmons, who founded the Baby Phat line while she was Mrs. Russell Simmons. Whether Simmons jumped ship on her own or was pushed out (reportedly as a cost cutting move), this is major news.

Baby Phat is one of the leading urban brands in the fashion world. The distinctive cat logo can be found on everything from jackets to handbags to sweat suits to watches. And a large part of that dominance was due to Miss Kimora.

Say what you want about the outsized personality and lifestyle, routinely on display via her television reality show, books and those ubiquitous billboards, people bought into the brand. And Kimora was a big reason why.

Of course, from a business perspective, this wasn’t a shocking move. The fashion landscape is littered with fashion brands that were taken over by corporations only to see their founders be jettisoned, sometimes with the corporation retaining the rights to the name even if the name of the company is the actual name of the designer.

Kimora Lee Simmons has enough irons in the fire that there will certainly be a second act we’ll all be following, and no doubt, purchasing.

The more interesting question may be what happens now to Baby Phat? Can a brand based on Fabulosity continue to flourish without the Queen of Fabulosity? Will anyone care as long as the product continues to hit the right notes with shoppers?

Stay tuned.