I have had four people over the last week, thankfully none of you, tell me “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger”…and I swear it is empty banal platitudes like this that makes me want to scream and lock myself away…which is essentially what I have done. I am stashed away in a secret batcave location, being looked after by someone who knows just what to say…i.e. nothing and who is well stocked in wine, and my favorite cookies. Do we talk about what has happened in my life…sure but only when I want to and the only reason I want to is because they don’t say things like…”What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” or the even more horrifyingly pedestrian…”Everything happens for a reason”.
Who invented these sayings? Were they in fortune cookies and they just caught on, or is it just the default statement, we are all guilty of reverting to when something that sucks happens to someone and we don’t know what to say. God forbid saying nothing at all or just giving a heartfelt…”wow that sucks could come to mind”. Let’s face it, one can only hope to be stronger and none of us know the reason why some of the crap that happens to us, happens. How does one quantify “stronger” exactly?
I recall when my Grandmother died, people would say…” She’s in a better place” and I would say…”how in the world do you know that for sure?” a better place for she and I was a Krispy Kreme when the hot light was on. It was people just wanting to hear themselves talk and the polite thing for me to do was let them, nod and then under my breath whisper, “what a boob”. I’m having a harder time with that now, I’m leaning more toward top of my lungs than under my breath, which was why emergency seclusion was mandatory.
I hope I will be stronger after this trying time, I hope there is some divine reason for all of this but I am in touch with the reality that life is short, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and sometimes whatever doesn’t kill you…just doesn’t kill you, until something else does.
You should go back and read what you posted yesterday—practice what you preach and don’t let the blues get you down. At the risk of adding one more cliche to the mix: remember that ‘this too shall pass’.
I am with you! Sometimes all the good intentions with all the “good sayings” are not what you need or want to hear.
Sometimes the best thing a friend can do is just say nothing!
You know, I’ve never heard anyone say that like you said it! That’s really something, huh? More often than not, we say things we are used to saying to fill in the uncomfortable space. Maybe the words “I’m sorry” would do better and the appropriate action would be to be there for the person instead of saying call me “if there is anything I can do”.
Interesting. I have/am having a lot of stuff happening in my life. Lots of if I am sure I would be better without but it makes me feel better to believe the people I love that died all went to heaven (they are in a better place). When I look back on my life at all the things that happen I am almost certain that they all happened for a reason, (hind sight is 20/20, when I think about it and distance myself emotionally from the event or what ever, and there was a reason for it even if I do not like what the reason was.) If you notice it or not what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger because you are still here, you survived it and if it happens again you know what to expect. You know what to do next and that knowledge gives you power because you are no longer battling the unknown that can sucker punch you more often. You have grown from the experience and you can share your story with others and let them know that what didn’t kill you has not made you feel stronger yet but the very fact that you can write about it and post it on a public website means you are.