The comedian Bill Maher once said, “Women Can’t Complain About Men Until They Get Better Taste In Them”. I think he may be on to something. After a divorce or break-up it’s so easy to slip into a world of bitterness or worse…become like the person who killed you. Giving of ourselves or our heart can be scary, especially when our confidence has been undermined one or 30 times before. It is so easy to hit the default…I don’t need a man switch, or I don’t need a man to validate my life or make me happy button and POW there you are…making a super hero cape out of being alone.
I grew up with a mother and grandmother who believed that you couldn’t call yourself a woman unless you HAD a partner…ever heard a woman say, “well at least I have a man” no matter how horrible or miserable they may be? Ever been that woman? I was that woman once, although I never said it out loud, my actions showed I felt that way. Half a man was better than no man and two halves sometimes made a whole…because in my eyes they didn’t come in whole sizes anyway.
Then I violently swung the other direction, wearing my feminist independence and lack of companionship as a badge of honor. Any woman who said she wanted to be in a relationship…”weak”. I could talk the most blissfully happy woman out of her “delusion” of happiness, I am ashamed to say, through the strong cast of doubt. But who was really the “delusional” one? Me I suspect…
Well I’m starting to realize that the choices aren’t half empty or half full, and that there are more choices than fasting or eating off of the half dollar menu.
Many women who are alone, are because they choose to be and because somewhere down the line being in love meant being weak, and getting hurt meant you were stupid. He breaks your heart…people say, “why didn’t you know better”? You even say…”I should’ve known”. Then we lock it down, because if the choices are weak and stupid or stoic, alone and “independent”…I don’t know about you but I’m picking the latter.
But those aren’t the only choices, there are amazing men out there and I’m beginning to wonder if choosing to be alone, and then blaming it on lack of good men isn’t just some kind of cowardice cop out? Does the real courage come when you get smashed into a million bits and yet you can still see a wonderful man when he shows up?
There are more than a few good men left! However, I am learning that all you sometimes need is one who doesn’t come in half sizes.
There are a few GOOD MEN left. It all depend on what a woman is seeking in a MAN. The man that is in my life now, has never married, he has (2) children from a prior relationship. I feel since he has never married and probably never will. He is an excellent choice because I am not looking for a Husband. Since I enjoy my single life it would be hard for me to remarried.
My friend is SPECIAL too me. I like the way he and I get along, when we are together, we enjoy each other company. When we are away from each other, we keep in touch. I tell him he’s a Good Man. He Thanks me for the compliment. In having a good man it depends on our standards does he treat you well, is he smart, is he romantic, does he open the car door for you. Most important any good woman want too be treated well by a good man.
In everything there is a season. Everything takes time and God…many times circumstances or things that we are going through are not always clear. But as time goes on things begin to make sense. Ultimately, you have to do what’s best for you. I don’t think we are meant to be alone, some might beg to differ, but I think we are all meant to share this life with someone special. It’s just all a matter of time and meeting someone that respects, loves, connects and understands you for you and vice versa. However, experiencing youth, independence, singlehood, achieving aspirations, and all the other stages of life prepare you and allows you to appreciate the one God places in your life along with all the wonderful friends and family.
Happy Holidays!
I believe that the article hits the nail on the head. Because of past hurts and embarrassing breakups, some women shut down and hide behind their strength. Just like we can’t protect our children from every hurt, pain and injury they WILL get in life, we can’t protect ourselves either. What we need to do, however, is learn from the situation, stop taking the other person’s issues as our own (sometimes it really IS him, and not you!) and most importantly, like and love ourselves first. So, when hurt does come, we can say “his loss – someone else will appreciate Me” and still give love and friendship a chance. A good man (or woman) is one who genuinely likes you, quirks and all – and that road goes both ways.
I am not concerned about how I was treated in the past, I am concerned that I will not be able to meet requirements of men today. Times have changed and the new sexual revolution is very scary to me. I have been celibate for 11 years because I do not want to sleep around and men are doing some nasty things now days(women to).