Change…

It’s official. As the fall season arrogantly approaches there’s a brisk chill in the air that’s defining the beginning of a season.  Like or not, Mother Nature is anointing us with a kind reminder of the cycle of life and that there’s a time and a season to everything under sun.  Again, change is evitable, embrace it with splendor. It’s refreshing, well, I think so at least.

Of course, there are tons of major issues in the world, but sometimes, just sometimes… a moment with my cashmere scarf snuggled around my neck, walking through rustling leaves, and noticing the vibrantly rich hues in the changing foliage, while sipping a hot beverage is nothing less than beautiful  simplicity. It is heavenly solace that soothes the soul and warms the spirit.  Admittedly, it is unequivocally my most spectacular season of the year. Who knew, a few cool days have me fall-ing forward and others falling out over change. Perspective is everything.    

Exchange….

Before it’s all said and done, over the last two weeks of summer our family will be hosting a lovely young lady from Spain. Beyond mothering my girls, I have the honor of being a host Madre of another super woman’s daughter who barely speaks English. Although my daughter and her host sister have been chatting via facebook for months and we’ve been corresponding via email, I’ve found myself nesting in anticipation for her arrival. Her mother is an amazing woman. Trust is paramount. Comfort is critical. Exposure is exceptional.  Her words, until you’ve lived it, you’re a spectator.  Again, change is good. 

Lisa Hopkins Newell

Being the resident Mom blogger, it would be remiss not to acknowledge the back-to-school groove that most families in this country are now preparing for or have encountered this academic orientation week.  Most often, the overarching spirit that plagues most children as they leave one grade level and enter into the next is either anticipation or anxiety, or a mixture of both.  (Hm, sounds familiar?!)

From womb to tomb, the first day or last day of almost anything – kindergarten, high school, college, career, marriage, relocation, parenthood, divorce, unemployment, chemotherapy, you name it — tends to be a day of emotional reckoning. Whichever the case, my only hope is that one remains open and unwaveringly committed to co-creating the moment of newness with vigor. Welcome to the first day of being…. present.

It is a gift. Put your hand down. Be quiet. Open your eyes. Witness your own journey. The most sacred are seen rather than heard, shown rather than told. Water to wine. Who’s whining? Parents, are your projecting your kindergartener’s first day of school with age old one-liners and a box of tissue?  Remove the filter, that’s all you. Comfort, console and instill courage for them to also be…present. 

As I previously stated at the END of last year…..

Recognize that some embrace endings as a celebratory launching pad for newness, while others are paralyzed and fear new beginnings like a nomadic journey into the abyss.

Endings are inevitable — life is movement from one season or phase to the next.  Like the ending of a scrumptious meal, a beautiful sunset, a rigorous workout, to the ending of a captivating movie, stimulating book, or a joyful holiday– there is a sense of completion that seems to leave us elevated and inspired.  On the contrary– atrocious relationships, negative energy, fearful children, abusive adults, impoverished people, homelessness, hopelessness, terror, racism, sexism, and war —completion is complicated, multifaceted, welcoming and certainly long overdue.

As we end the calendar year and enter into a new decade, be INTENTIONAL.  Forget cliché resolutions and rituals. Now isn’t the time to focus on the external — fad diets, and the likes. Now is the time to go inward and be relentless in your ambitions, to be the odd and the difference. Little do you realize, your difference is your genius.  Start being the person you see beneath your mirror image, the part of you that dreams and know your purpose is high and highly regarded in the master plan of life.

 Demand that joy, peace, and happiness override any feelings of fear, meekness and stagnation. Center yourself in the middle of your dream and leave behind low, shallow, petty people, places and things. Separate yourself from things that suffocate your authentic self and become a magnate that draws, love, light and life.

 Give with a spirit of thanksgiving, raise awareness to issues that are life shattering. Be iconic in your own world, in your own life. Stop looking for outward  approval. Celebrate yourself, it’s the only thing you can really do without fail. Your life starts within and radiates from that cultivated place.  Simplify your thinking yet enlarge your mind– a single raindrop can ripple an ocean.  

 Write down your plan (Habakkuk 2:2 2Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables), speak it (Proverbs 18:21 21Death and life are in the power of the tongue) so you will live it. (Proverbs 29:18 18Where there is no vision, the people perish.)

Lisa Hopkins Newell

A family tree is an insightful adventure. Navigating the branches, I found that the adage ‘the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree’ is an honest truth. Surely, one can separate from its source, but the seed within remains the same — plant it anywhere, the roots will grow and reveal themselves. Let’s get down to earth– as your children sprout into young adults are they being bruised or nurtured as they ripe? Check the garden, maybe you should prune as they blossom…

 It’s easy to bask in the sunshine as a sole entity, but what happens when you’re in charge on next season harvest? Seemingly we’ve all been equipped with spiritual sensory to know the difference between what is healthy or unhealthy whether we acknowledge/use it or not. However, when it comes to children, parents have been charged with a unique blessing to undergird and oversee their children’s lives from the tip of the branches to the base of the trunk. Sure it’s selfless and complicated, but a joy… again whether you acknowledge it, or do it, or not.    

 Often, parents spend a tremendous amount of time, effort and energy, uprooting all the ‘weeds’ with hopes that their children produce the best possible life harvest.  But what happens if the primary ‘weeds’ are at the root level – i.e., the grandparents, the ex, or worst, y-o-u?  What if you discover the deadliest harm to flourishing is among you?  There are a few options to eliminate damage – however, what’s most important is to shield your children from negative influences no matter the source or how close to home they may be — forget a scarecrow,  I prefer weed killer.

 As we guard ourselves and our ‘crops’ from being scorched, over-watered or malnourished by those who may mean well, it is critical to have safe guards in place. Although people don’t come with a perish date or visible damage, watch for fruit flies. Even such, I personally believe that honesty, age appropriate of course, is a critical component to keeping your family aware of perceived hazards.  Believe or not, protection, not agreement, is a part of love.  Use wisdom, don’t allow anyone to walk through your garden and toss fertilizer around.  They may putrefy you and your most precious gift. 

 Lisa Newell

 The sacred journey of motherhood is unlike any other. We’ve all experienced the journey as daughters of women who’ve carefully taught us, meticulously molded us, and even unknowingly left a few indentations that have taken years of work to pound out. Nevertheless, when it’s all said and done, these women who we isolate into a role and refer to as mothers are absolutely phenomenal.

This past week, I realized that I’ve become one of those amazing women – a mother. It wasn’t through the lens of my biological relationship that it hit me, but witnessing my daughter become a young woman as she took flight from beneath my wings with truth, wisdom, integrity, confidence, courage and a strong mind.

It was a light switch moment that all started on our road trip/drive to school. Watching my daughter walk across a college campus, and depart with a long hug and a quick wave then fade into a crowd of young women was an eye opener– my rea’l work is done. Yes, she’s only thirteen, yes it’s a engineering camp program, yes it’s for one week– but it seems like the other day she was learning and adjusting into her own skin and now she is leading and navigating her own path.

As mothers, we live, we learn, we teach, we challenge, we impart, and we seemingly spend a lifetime of letting go and celebrating the fruits of our labor. In our infinite wisdom, just when we thought we’d gotten the hang of it, it’s gone in a twinkle of an eye. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, rock star or a celebrity to publicly acknowledge that it is the single most impactful journey that one takes in lifetime – be present and capture every moment  within your heart.

Lisa Newell

As much as I love motherhood, there are days, hours, and fleeing moments that I dread the ‘on-call’ demand. Blah, blah, blah.  I could keep going on and on with my personal motherhood drama but why? Being ‘Cinderella’ was in fine print on the motherhood contract – work with glass slipper moments in between.  Or maybe that was on the divorce decree under custodial parent.  Hmm, either way, the fine print is perfectly fine as long as the focus remains on the beauty not the stress, the joy not the growing pain, the harvest not the planting.    

 While standing on your soap box, watch your step, it’s slippery up there!  The words we speak in anguish can often slip into our daily lives as consistent complaints.  Who needs a nagging, dragging, sagging sister in their midst?! My auto pilot response is to shut off my complaining valve, and others, with riveting comments laced with accountability. Pointing the finger inward can be a powerful shift from victim to victor – you are your own change agent.  In tandem, I personally cannot stand stagnant negative energy; it has a way of spreading like an infectious disease all over your life.   

The antidote is within. Like an uplifting sermon that touches your spirit, allow love, light, and life to permeate and take shape in your daily rigor – even when you’re in a funk.  Take that ounce of positive, affirming, self-actualized confirmation of self-worth and manifest it into your daily mantra. Do an internal inventory check and get squeaky clean. That ounce can become your overflow.

 Back to my exhausting motherhood moments, I honor them, but they are minuscule compared to the magnificence of my journey!  

 Lisa Newell

If it wasn’t for my incredible children who stop me in my fast tracks with riveting inquiries, I might just miss the absolute best ‘stuff’ in life. As a parent of young ladies, I find myself engaged by their inquisitive nature, confident posture and strong voices. Who knew the very seeds that I’ve nurtured would grow into breathtaking flowers with roots deep enough to expand my boundaries and enlarge my territory. It is a moment that only a parent can sense, feel and encounter. In a blink of an eye, the toil has become a harvest.

My daughters are bountiful, fruitful, and full of joy. At thirteen and nine, they are growing and going, and it feels good to witness their transformation from dependent to independent.  For inconsequential issues in their world, I have become their back-up not their fore-front, their double check not their check point. It moves my spirit and anchors my soul to see my girls use the tools that I’ve given across the years to dig their own well and drink from it. I know they will never thirst. I look, I listen, I smile, and I know that my temporary parchment has given them nothing but overflow.      

I proudly look at them and delight, knowing they are and always will be absolute ‘glitter’ girls. They shine, and will continue to do so in even in their darkest midnight hour. They are brilliant diamonds with much clarity, no matter how they’re cut.  Character traits synthesized from being reared by an entrepreneurial village–an uplifting yet demanding  mother, a warm grandmother, an encouraging uncle, a humorous aunt– while processing the pains of an absent father, has shaped their resiliency and tenacity to thrive and find their own stride at a very young age. Motherhood is endless, but what I know is true is — the foundation which one builds upon becomes the unequivocal substance that allows one to flourish when the winds swell, the tide is high and the ground break.

As my mother told me ten years ago as I was going through a divorce with a 3yr old and a newborn, “give them your life for a little while, and you will see the fruit of your womb; you’re highest and most honorable calling as a ‘giver of life’, a mother,  fulfilled.” As a career girl that didn’t settle with me too well, but I chose to soar alone, like an eagle and now her words are echoing in my heart.  My eagle’s eye can see that they are solidly equipped to soar in, around and above any condition without losing their footing.  Now I can spread my wings to elevate to higher heights knowing they are in synchronized flight.  Love them!

Lisa Newell

Me, Myself  & I…

Last week, interestingly enough I had a ‘moment’. You know the kind, where for thirty to ninety seconds you step outside of yourself and loose your right mind, your cool, your couth and tack, and darn near everything else you tend to keep under wraps and shield beneath your roles and titles. Even worst, it was that ‘oops, I shouldn’t have said that in front of the kids or better yet to the kids’ moment. Ouch!

Yesssssssss, it was ‘that’ moment, when I was being….myself.

I found ‘myself’ out of the bag that I typically suffocate it inside. Unlike the scenario my colleague blogged in ‘Under the Influence’, I must admit I was completely sober when I shared with my children my thoughts on their sibling-cat-fight behavior. Before I knew it, I had slipped O-U-T! I was ‘out’ like a person who’d suffered from cabin fever—outside barefoot and fancy free. I was ‘out’ and aggressively correcting the behavior I was exhibiting, hmmm.

For a moment, my ‘moment’ felt good. The shroud of expectation and the ‘everything you do makes an imprint on your children’ was removed. I felt free, fully self-expressed, and then suddenly a rush came over me — a need to put ‘myself’ back up, tucked away and tied behind my apron string.

It was a flash of shame that I was….ME, an impatient mom, tired of instigating my children’s banter. Yes, the ME who would rather slam the pots on the stove to be heard rather than be a poised, flawless, role-model, super-mom preparing lunch with my apron strings of perfection flying in the wind. It was a ‘moment’ that I revealed the raw and unedited ME, to render a desired outcome that I needed to keep my ‘cover-up’ sanely going.

Unfortunately society has it, mothers seem to be thrown on the ’poster’ for anything negative in the upbringing of their children,– too much love, not enough love, too much attention, not enough, too much structure, not enough discipline and the extremes go on – BUT know this…you are human, you will error! At least I know I will, and I work on the damage control.

For those of you who’ve numbed your knee-jerk reactions and responses are 100% controlled under pressure…God bless you. For those of us who learn as we live, and grow & evolve from every lesson, and most importantly didn’t get the ‘how-to” manual to parenthood or life … forgive and love every aspect yourself, even what you’re working on!  Love YOU, even that part that whispers the stuff you really want to say and do to those you love and those you don’t. xo

Lisa Newell

First and foremost, I must say a sincere welcome home to journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling who stepped off a private jet near Los Angeles on Wednesday to tearful embraces with their loved ones. I watched in relief and awe but as a parent, I was truly consumed by Eura Lee’s emotional exchange with her daughter. Consumed but also distracted by my personal guilt that the night before on a business trip I was trying to temporarily escape from motherhood. A short twenty-four hour prior to watching them reunite with their families, here was my ‘motherhood’ vantage point. 
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From a sudden nose bleed and scuffed knee to something urgent or forgotten at home, many mothers instinctively know how to makeshift. We’re well equipped and ready for practically anything. Under pressure, like it or not, that rare ‘fix it’ gene becomes dominant. Maybe this isn’t your deal, but somehow I become Mrs. MacGyver when tackling the woes of my children. Even in their absence, I have this stealth sixth sense that keeps me acutely aware of my home front even when I’m away. Often it genius, I’ll phone home just in time to diffuse a situation or soothe a concern. While other times, it’s a nuisance I only wish to momentarily ignore.

For instance, all week I’ve been on a quick business trip that comingled with girlfriend time. Those of us with dependents often relish opportunities to vacate our daily ritual as a personal retreat to escape into self. Honestly, the simple fact that I’m physically detached via distance from my children provides a sense of individualism that lends to a cleansing breath. Ok, maybe it just me, but I tend to capitalize on the duality of being away – working but also enjoying down time. Because I leave my children in gifted hands (my mother) I know all is working like clock work — the love, joy, fun…they’re at grandma’s house afterall.  Surely, I check-in with them via phone, text, email facebook and the multitude of communication conduits…then I’m done. Meanwhile other friends, don’t just check-in, they’re obsessed with the ‘happenings of home’ while away. They’re in constant contact and worst, they talk incessantly about what’s happening.

Is it me? Am I the only one who needs to go inward, find balance and celebrate myself so I can continue to be a healthy and sane selfless mother?!?! Yikes!  Do what you need to do, but I’m just trying not to feel guilty about doing what I need to. Ahhhhhh….here’s to one more day away!!!

Lisa Newell

Dear Mrs. Know-it-all,

Driving home from dropping my children off at camp, I ruminated over the last twelve years of parenting. My daughters, little ladies now, have become so confidently independent. I realized how far we’ve come in this parent-child journey–from bottles and diapers, to high school preparatory and sex education conversations, but also how much I’ve grown as a person in the process of parenting my children. What a concept, learn as you teach. According to my good book …out of the mouth of babes hast thou ordained strength… surely, they’ve taught me life lessons from the purity of their heart and the humor in their souls.

Interestingly, if you hang around a group of moms long enough all tend to agree that somewhere along the parenthood journey there tend to be a paradigm shift in the relationship. Little Johnny is not feeling you anymore and little Jenny has slammed her door on you. If you’re rearing an adolescent, you have a clear vantage point of this turbulent shift– who’s the parent and who’s the child, who’s listening and who’s talking?
The dialogue changes from novice and inquisitive to exploratory and experiential in nature. The emotional needs change from ‘tuck me into bed,’ to a privacy signed tacked to the bedroom door. Change is good, but it requires parent to grow and adapt to the needs of our children. To survive this shift, we have to dive into their world and steer and guide them from within, and not live in the illusion of parental dictatorship. Before you instinctively stop, drop and roll…..watch, look, listen and be prepared to open up and embrace another perspective – your child’s perspective. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean agreement. Keep an open dialogue with your children and don’t get pushed out-of-bounds due to close mindedness.

Mrs. Know-it-all, do you really know it all? Or should we become lifelong learners in parenthood? It’s these periods in the relationship where we can choose to collectively mature and grow up, or put our foot down and be right – and risk making a wrong move. What have you learned about yourself from your children? How have you survived behavioral or emotional shifts in your family? 

Lisa Newell